December 2008 was one of the most important months of my life. It not only changed my way of thinking, but also gave me unlimited amount of happiness. The transitional phase had started long time back, but I consider those days were the 'turning point' of my life. It was the high time of my spiritual growth. It felt like I am not short of anything in life. As if I have every happiness and peace that one can imagine.
This was when I started watching Ashfaq Ahmed's "Mann Chale Ka Sauda" on youtube. Whoever has posted this masterpiece spiritual drama has done an amazing contribution to mankind. In the first episode, the writer presents one of the key ideas behind sufism (which is completely according to strict Islamic teachings).
A Wali-Allah shown as a shepherd tells a man what he has to quit in order to walk on the path of Allah Subhanau t'Allah. He says, "The path of Wali Allah (a friend of God--the highest rank given to a human being but lesser than that of a messenger/prophet) requires you to quit these four attributes of self:
1) False ego
2) Arrogance
3) Anger/short temper
4) Show off
Without leaving these four characteristics, you can never ever succeed in this path". Then you can think about gaining Allah's happiness as it's directly related to giving happiness to mankind.
These words stuck to my mind and heart. I saw myself not on the first or zeroth step towards the right path, but on the "negative some six digit number" -1000000 step. I had to reach the zeroth step before I could think of moving forward. I wasn't even fulfilling the prerequisites. I was taught about this from the very beginning, but it was never stressed in my education ever. My environment had taught me to "sell" my qualities by speaking about them. The people around me behaved with arrogance because they had more money/smartness than others. Our ego forced us to insult the ones who were under us in any worldly respect.
Today it feels like I've again fallen on the step # -1 as I demonstrated my hot temper in front of my father once again. It was due to some argument between us. At that time I couldn't realize but later I had this guilt inside me. Alas! I had failed again, and I didn't care about behaving patiently and speaking softly. I don't know when I will be strong enough internally to fight the devil inside me.
But as they say that the feeling of hopelessness is not allowed in Islam. I cannot lose hope because I know one thing. If I'm still alive, that means that my aim of life is still incomplete. The aim for which I came in this world. I have to fight against the evil inside myself before fighting against the evil outside. Well, the outside one can always trigger the one inside us. Thus, this is a nonstop and a continuous war between the right and the wrong path.
May Allah give me the courage and determination to keep struggling for the right path. May I be able to leave these negative aspects of my personality one day and be a better soul. May God give us the courage to make life easier for others (Ameen).
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Even if you realize where you lack of maintaining the pace to become someone near to Allah forward you one step.
ReplyDeleteI hope you will find your way.
Jazak'Allah Khair for the duaa! You know what, Ashfaq Ahmed (may Allah give him a high status in jannah) defined a babaji as a person who makes life easier for others and who is amongst those who "give" not take. Who provides them comfort and takes away their difficulties. Anybody can be a babaji for a short time (even for a second) and as long as a life!
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly what you did here Mash'Allah :) Thank you so much for the encouragement.
hmmm...thanks to you too.
ReplyDeleteIt is very hard to take out in words your failure of being a good person. Sometimes or manytimes in life one has to struggle hard to become a better version of what one really was....
hmmm...I am happy that you found me useful and worth commenting.
Keep sharing...thanks again.