What Am I?

We are often blaming others for what they have done wrong. Usually we say that "What did I do with this person? Why did he/she treat me like this? I haven't done bad with anyone, then why do others always do "bad" with me? Why me? He/she is responsible for what really bad happened".

I usually think that no one has ever done anything wrong with me. No body's action has caused what created problems in my life. No one has really ever been my enemy. I am the one who has proved to be my enemy always. Whenever anything bad occurred, it was actually me who was the culprit. Me myself! If we think about different unfortunate incidents of our lives, we will realize that most of the time, we were the ones to be blamed. We create problems for ourselves.

Let me try to remember a few instances. For e.g., I waste time, which delays the work I need to do. As a result, I'm lagging behind the schedule. If I have been given an assignment by my teacher, I delay it to the point that it can't be completed unless I work day and night at the highest speed possible. As a result, the work I turn in will never ever be up to my expectations (getting an A+)! And I will most probably blame the teacher (Oh, he/she didn't give us enough time, didn't give us enough guidance, didn't give us the material). Or I will blame my friend (hadn't she insisted on going for shopping, I would definitely had aced this exam. My friend ruined my planning by calling me and talking for an hour on the phone!). My parents took me to this stupid party that I was never ever interested in. As a result, I didn't have enough time to complete my work, and now they expect me to top in the class!

Now that was just one example. Why am I always looking for someone else's shoulder to fire the bullet of blame? Why can't I consider myself the one who is actually guilty? I have come to the conclusion that you have other enemies and there is no doubt about that, but you are one of the biggest enemies of yourself. Thus, Allama Muhammad Iqbal (RA) says, "Tu Agar Mera Nahin Banta, Na Bann, Apna To Bann". (In English: You don't want to be mine, don't be, but at least be your self's). Alas! there hasn't been a lot of times when I acted like a friend of mine.

Now I want to talk about another very important observance. When I look at someone or talk to someone, my brain starts immediately and processes some information about that person. Then, it does an analysis of that person. Well, I do think about the positive aspects of his/her personality. But most importantly I think about the negative ones. That I really don't like this particular habit of his/her. I don't really appreciate this trait that he/she has. Next thing I do is that I ask this question to myself: "Do I have this trait/habit in myself?" To my surprise, most of the time, I also have it!!

So I am embarrassed that I look for flaws in other people so easily when I have thousands of those in myself! Why can't I just sit and analyze my personality's bad traits? Why is it so difficult to know yourself? Why is it so difficult to correct yourself? I just can't figure this out!